new poem

I think im too self-conscious to speak on the stuff that keep weighing my conscious.And I fear that I'm too far removed to find a way to improve on my own lost art form. And my old soft heart still remains torn by the memories of lost yesterday's mistakes. Like scared hearts that take flight on the wings of Icarus,I watched as these lonely feelings melted on the roof of this callused world.I think im addicted to falling in love with heartless girls and this scared heart just curled in reflex to the pain of another superficial emotion. Renew, review and rescrew the lost knowlege of this unhinged mind binged in sublime lines that once defined the insecurities of this new born soul. Im afraid all i have are the conversations in my mind.I think I'm afraid of intimacy because of the inner me that i see.  Tell me, how is it  possible to feel this alone when alone is all I've learned to be.

new stuff

I've spent so much of my time confining my tears/ so many years spent dividing my fears/and every time i think about it all my heart disappears/Into the old poetry of  these lost yesteryears/and if i go in on these  lost verse's I'm afraid you would think i rehearsed it all./Now im here thinking about these old feelings and how i just repressed them/thinking bout old flames,and how I wish I could forget them/forgive me i just sinned, forget it ill just blend it all in/to this acoholic drink whose name i just forgot again/the memory's/ to tomorrow's pain/to this lost heart in the rain, looking to gain/ love in the rain/shit, im in love with pain/cause its the only real thing I've ever felt/before it all came crashing in/
to the memory's I can't help but mend/ or atleast try to/ find the depth i lost that was alot like floetry/ hoping that my flow tree grows to reach mars/ and drops three bars to remove each scar that i have had to endure/
lately i been on that spoken word shit/ tryina spit that invoking verb shit/ i got family members i aint on social terms with/i got some friends i cant imagine my life without/lookin for a spare life line/thinkin bout some of the one of a kinds I've met in my life time/and I'm only talkin bout the past ten years/holding on to every one of my insecurities/fearing they could reveal an impure me/and im just hoping that this pen and paper can cure me..

My attempt to flow

sittin here kickin old wisdom like my last name was aristotle./And this college life style's slow tell me where is the throttle/  avoiding any solution I find in a bottle /cause when its empty/ im left pen deep in this invisible ink shit./ staring at the bottom of this clean sink shit/ tell me where the hell did all these dirty tears fall from /oh here I go again pretending like could never release a tear/. then i let go, of these feelings ive never felt before /someone tell me where it all went wrong,/ cause i seem to forget every mistake that ive made/. Remembering every price i havent forgotten to pay/ tell how many more hours could be in this day/ wondering who's gonna be here to catch the bouquet/ and i just need someone here to tell me it'll be ok./ i guess im just lookin for someone to lie to my fears/Guess just trying to salvage these tears/hopin to make make rain on tomorrows flower/ this cosmic string is such a beautiful thing/ and this heart string never cease to sing/
Maybe if i could go back in time
change when i lost this mind
find all the peace inside
maybe then i can find that love thats so hard to find 
im just too lost in this cosmic rhyme

I am afraid

I am afraid , afraid that sometimes I feel too much. That while lost in the intensity of these feelings, I could be wrong. Diluted by the need to hold on to these intense feelings, I fear they can never really fill me. The passion is pointless and the pain is painted on empty eyelids that only reveal the pupil in me. I am afraid of the complexion of my own complexity, afraid of the complexity of my own complexion. Revealing a reflection of my own lost vanity, I questioned this sanity without hesitation. And only an uncertain fear that gripped my heart, the fear that there is something I should be afraid of. Here in this purgatory where wonderland and never-land collided, I found my philophobic nightmares waiting to embrace me. I am afraid of these feelings, to which the words to express them seem to escape me